Phfeenikz (phfeenikz) wrote,

  • Mood:

Down with cabal.

I feel betrayed this evening.  The weekly AA meeting was moved up to this evening, and I got a lovely treat.  I had to sit there while the mouthpiece (a.k.a Warren) spoke on everyone's behalf.  His message was nothing short of devastating for me.  To paraphrase; "You're welcome, but Martha (a.k.a the cougar) isn't".  I said okay, I won't bring her around anymore.  Whether they understood that to mean  "I won't be coming around anymore" is questionable.

So here is the realization for me.  I don't make enemies.  I don't start fights.  I'm really a pacifist at heart.  What I do though, is make you insignificant to my life.  I'm not one to open up, but when I do I expect that I'll be given some leeway.  To hear that I'm not only given no leeway, but explicitly forbidden to enact said leeway... well that truly rubs me the wrong way.  I'll keep things professional from now on, but these "friends" that I've made at work apparently come with some sort of strings attached, and that I won't abide.  Welcome to insignificance my "friends".

I've been through a lot in my short life, and I've learned where I should and shouldn't cut ties.  Tonight I'm cutting ties.  I've come up with something that I think might be quotable in the future to explain this turn of events.  True friends never have to ask for understanding.  As soon as I realized that was what was required of me, I gave up.  Oh, I understand them.  I've not been in short supply of that.  But when it comes to my turn, they collectively turn their backs on me.  It's ironic that Martha, who probably understands my profession least of all, understands me the most.  And this group who should understand me intuitively hasn't the slightest clue about who I am.  They can keep their clique, I'm done with it.  Exclusivity has never been what I'm about, and to ask that of me is egregious, downright disrespectful.
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